>B06[two_certainties]

You know what’s bullshit? How hard it is to find an office supply store.

Office supplies? Ha.

Ha!

Who prints things?

This guy.

Elevator jazz played softly as I got off with a ding.

Approaching in the dim, I came to stand in front of a monstrous yellowed machine, somewhere in the underground of my building. A cube whose face was marked with the ridges of unopenable panels. The limp torso of an android extended up from one such panel which protruded from the thing. But it had long been defunct.

One black inset marked the otherwise weathered white. A dead screen.

“Hello?” I said. My head was pounding.

Nothing at all.

My phone in hand, I could see the listing for the machine registering as active. It wasn’t outdated. It was live and pinging.

I pressed ‘order online.’

“HELLO SIR!” The marionette motion of the android jittered to life with a grinding jolt.

I startled only a little.

“Goddammit!” I cried. “I’m not up for this! You get it, clanky?”

“YES SIR!”

“I’m running around, being chased. Like, it was fucked up, okay?”

“OKAY.”

“So listen, I just need you to print some flyers. Can do?”

“CAN DO! WE SUPPLY ALL YOUR OFFICE NEEDS, ABOMINATION.”

I pulled out my phone. “Thank God.” I rubbed my eyes, compulsively checked a watchless wrist yet again. Pay attention. “I’ve got the flyer design here, okay?” Continue reading